That time of
the year has rolled around again. Despite a mountain of evidence that Rudolph
is really an ISIS spy using Santa’s sleigh to collect reams of personal
information, we cut down perfectly good trees, decorate them, and go deep into
debt so our children will carry on these traditions.
So naturally
I was thinking about Santa when I read Bloomington's Sunday (a week ago) newspaper and came
upon the column by notable left-wing columnist Eugene Robinson. The last time Robinson
wrote a nice thing about a Republican candidate was when….hmm….I guess I can’t
remember. Robinson, like about 2 million other nationally syndicated columnists,
likes to write about Donald Trump. Articles about Trump now exceed the number
of emails I receive purporting to help me enlarge my male part.
Here is what
Robinson says about two-thirds through his article – “It’s not that Trump will
do the impossible, it’s that he might do something.”
It was this statement that got me thinking and that isn’t easy on a Sunday
morning after the annual Christmas tree decorating party that included a brand
new half-gallon bottle of JD. This statement by Robinson made me see the
glowing connections between Santa, Trump, and Climate Change.
Let’s begin
with Santa. We adults, except for Jason, all know that Santa brings no gifts
with Rudolph and his sleigh. As Robinson
says, Trump won’t do the crazy stuff he yells about. But we love it when Trump
reams the big guys. It’s like we all love it when IU almost beat Ohio State in
football. We cheered like crazy knowing that our IU guys would not really win.
We’d like to think that we might have won. That’s enough for Hoosiers. We love
to tell our kids about Santa and Mrs. Santa and his workshop and shimmying down
chimneys drinking milk and eating cookies. We love it because it makes us feel
good. We love Trump because he say's things that most people would not say.
That leaves
us with another article that was published Sunday December 13 about climate change.
President Obama was quoted in this article as saying, “The climate pact offers the best chance
to save the planet we have.” I am not sure about you but the minute I saw that statement the first thing that came to mind was Supergirl. Don’t tell me I am not
liberated!
There is a
photo in that newspaper article with several key players of the United Nations with
thumbs up and hands clapping. The title of the article is, “Historic pact to
slow global warming is celebrated in Paris.” Ban Ki-Moon, not related to the
infamous Reverend Moon said, “The Paris Agreement on climate change is a
monumental success for the planet and its people.”
You would
have thought that the representatives of 190+ countries had found a way to stop
comets from intersecting with the Earth – or they had eradicated
Aids or Pancreatic Cancer. Or maybe they agreed that Iran should name
Christmas as an official holiday.
No, these
representatives apparently did something monumental to save the plant from
climate change. Already you are labeling me a climate change denier. That way
you can dispense with me as just another fruitcake from the right. Never mind
that. I am saying that you folks who are not climate change deniers have been
duped in the usual ways by the usual people. If you care about climate change
you were sold down the river by the 190+ smiling government officials.
These people punted every possible
real issue. Folks there ain’t no Santa Claus and this agreement has done
absolutely nothing to save the planet earth.
Your mom
says "go do your homework". But she does not tell you when you have to do your
homework. Nor does she tell you how much homework you have to do. Your mom says
you have to self-report how much time you spent on your homework. But there are no
penalties if you don’t do your homework. Maybe she will frown at you. You agree to do your homework when your
friends do their homework but there is no mechanism for your friends to do
their homework until they are 45 years old. Even then there are no penalties if
they don’t.
No, I am not
going to do the boring work of repeating all of the silly things in the
agreement that are making so many people pop their corks. But here are a few
examples of the silliness as expressed with the words of the contract:
By “some point” somewhere around 2050 emissions need to be
reduced to low levels. I checked my calendar and Grandson Nolan will be almost
38 years old then. He is 2.5 now.
Countries are “expected” but not required to meet any targets
Since the agreed targets are insufficient, countries are
asked to review them in four years to “see if they can update them.”
There are no penalties for missing targets
Richer countries “should” continue to support the poorer countries.
China is “encouraged to pitch in on a voluntary basis.”
I think
representatives of those 190+ countries should be asked to sign a statement
that says that Santa is real and that Trump has nice hair. We will then all feel a lot better.
