The League of
Discriminated Scientists
The Office Bar and
Grill
26. 26N 82.04W
Attn:
Kathleen Rest, Executed Director
Dear
Union of Concerned Scientologists,
What
a wonderful gift was your 2014 Calendar...and just in time for Christmas, Hanukah,
Kwanzaa and the Idle-Fitr. (Good timing for the mid term elections eh?! well
good on ya mate we got it ...wink, wink,
nod, nod, if you get my drift)... ‘course not many of the rubes will catch that
one, right?
Now
don’t get me wrong, just because I’m a foreigner, I’m all for diversity so long
as it’s confined to tattoos, body piercing, silly clothes and the like but NOT
as regards heresy!
No!
No! We’ve all got to put our foot down with a firm hand on that one. Imagine
what a mess we’d be in if everyone was allowed to think independently. Matter
of fact, that’s what the problem is today... just like your calendar says about
our Senators... far too many silly ideas and no one except your good selves
(the constipated Scientologists) to keep ‘em on the straight and narrow.
Obviously they need a good tongue lashing up the side of the head once in
awhile, or a good dunking or stretching on the rack as your esteemed Head
Scientologist, Tommy Torquemada, PhD , MWHW*, would have it for the infidel
dissenters.
But
YES! You’re right on the money! We need a lot more Orthodoxy, and I don’t mean
black hats with curly hair ringlets hanging down from under them, No! We need
good Scientological orthodoxy like your calendar!! Tell 'em like it is and what
to think. How else are we going to rein in the Egyptians and other folk living
by denial? How are we going to step up to the plate and stamp out heresy with
an iron fist if we can’t get the message (our message) across?
Take
Global warming (oops! Climate Change) for example. I’ll bet you $5 to a jar of
dehydrated water that if you gave them a thermometer to measure global warming
they wouldn’t know which end to insert, let alone where to stick it.
But
I digress. Back to the point and I expect you’ve caught on by now, you must be
a smart lady with all those letters after your name - a bit of yeast, so to
speak, in the otherwise unleavened dough of the Numerati, so here goes:
Why
not give a thermometer to every member of congress and sponsor an annual award
(like the Oscars -- perhaps the Rectors?) to the Senator with the best sound
bite on where to stick his/her thermometer?
Now
635 cheap Chinese thermometers won’t break the bank but it will goose your
circulation and grab a great photo op. But be sure to use the +/- 3 degree
accuracy thermometers used to collect the past few hundred years of adjustable
data.
Just
imagine; the Union of Concerned Scientologists standing shoulder to shoulder
with concerned Sanitarians (their Rotunda in the background). That’s the sort
that really grabs folk by the ‘attentions’ (if you follow my drift!?), not to
mention distracting the Tea Party from closing the $$piggot. It’s a win win if
ever I thought of one!
Next
year, (let’s hope those Senate Bozos keep the $piggot open for hard core scientology
fact finding like the impact of Beaujolais corks on the mating habits of
Mangrove Cuckoos, and such).
Keep
up the good work; we’re all on board with you, backs to the wall and all that
(you can’t be too careful these days, with all those Progressive folk jumping
out of their closets every time you turn around).
All
the best,
Yours
from the Far Right,
Harvey
H. Homitz. MA Oxon, Dip. Prod. Camulodunum, etc.
Roving
Ambassador at Large for $PIGGOTS**
p.s.
We’d like to make a donation but we already gave to SETI ! They said we’re
desperately in need of extraterrestrial intelligence; seems there’s not much of
the local variety left!
- My Way or the
High Way**
- $ociety for the
Prevention of Incestuous Government Grants On Twisted Science