The League of Discriminated Scientists
The Office Bar and Grill
26. 26N 82.04W
Attn: Kathleen Rest, Executed Director
Dear Union of Concerned Scientologists,
What a wonderful gift was your 2014 Calendar...and just in time for Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa and the Idle-Fitr. (Good timing for the mid term elections eh?! well good on ya mate we got it ...wink, wink, nod, nod, if you get my drift)... ‘course not many of the rubes will catch that one, right?
Now don’t get me wrong, just because I’m a foreigner, I’m all for diversity so long as it’s confined to tattoos, body piercing, silly clothes and the like but NOT as regards heresy!
No! No! We’ve all got to put our foot down with a firm hand on that one. Imagine what a mess we’d be in if everyone was allowed to think independently. Matter of fact, that’s what the problem is today... just like your calendar says about our Senators... far too many silly ideas and no one except your good selves (the constipated Scientologists) to keep ‘em on the straight and narrow. Obviously they need a good tongue lashing up the side of the head once in awhile, or a good dunking or stretching on the rack as your esteemed Head Scientologist, Tommy Torquemada, PhD , MWHW*, would have it for the infidel dissenters.
But YES! You’re right on the money! We need a lot more Orthodoxy, and I don’t mean black hats with curly hair ringlets hanging down from under them, No! We need good Scientological orthodoxy like your calendar!! Tell 'em like it is and what to think. How else are we going to rein in the Egyptians and other folk living by denial? How are we going to step up to the plate and stamp out heresy with an iron fist if we can’t get the message (our message) across?
Take Global warming (oops! Climate Change) for example. I’ll bet you $5 to a jar of dehydrated water that if you gave them a thermometer to measure global warming they wouldn’t know which end to insert, let alone where to stick it.
But I digress. Back to the point and I expect you’ve caught on by now, you must be a smart lady with all those letters after your name - a bit of yeast, so to speak, in the otherwise unleavened dough of the Numerati, so here goes:
Why not give a thermometer to every member of congress and sponsor an annual award (like the Oscars -- perhaps the Rectors?) to the Senator with the best sound bite on where to stick his/her thermometer?
Now 635 cheap Chinese thermometers won’t break the bank but it will goose your circulation and grab a great photo op. But be sure to use the +/- 3 degree accuracy thermometers used to collect the past few hundred years of adjustable data.
Just imagine; the Union of Concerned Scientologists standing shoulder to shoulder with concerned Sanitarians (their Rotunda in the background). That’s the sort that really grabs folk by the ‘attentions’ (if you follow my drift!?), not to mention distracting the Tea Party from closing the $$piggot. It’s a win win if ever I thought of one!
Next year, (let’s hope those Senate Bozos keep the $piggot open for hard core scientology fact finding like the impact of Beaujolais corks on the mating habits of Mangrove Cuckoos, and such).
Keep up the good work; we’re all on board with you, backs to the wall and all that (you can’t be too careful these days, with all those Progressive folk jumping out of their closets every time you turn around).
All the best,
Yours from the Far Right,
Harvey H. Homitz. MA Oxon, Dip. Prod. Camulodunum, etc.
Roving Ambassador at Large for $PIGGOTS**
p.s. We’d like to make a donation but we already gave to SETI ! They said we’re desperately in need of extraterrestrial intelligence; seems there’s not much of the local variety left!
- My Way or the High Way**
- $ociety for the Prevention of Incestuous Government Grants On Twisted Science