That time of the year has rolled around again. Despite a mountain of evidence that Rudolph is really an ISIS spy using Santa’s sleigh to collect reams of personal information, we cut down perfectly good trees, decorate them, and go deep into debt so our children will carry on these traditions.
So naturally I was thinking about Santa when I read Bloomington's Sunday (a week ago) newspaper and came upon the column by notable left-wing columnist Eugene Robinson. The last time Robinson wrote a nice thing about a Republican candidate was when….hmm….I guess I can’t remember. Robinson, like about 2 million other nationally syndicated columnists, likes to write about Donald Trump. Articles about Trump now exceed the number of emails I receive purporting to help me enlarge my male part.
Here is what Robinson says about two-thirds through his article – “It’s not that Trump will do the impossible, it’s that he might do something.” It was this statement that got me thinking and that isn’t easy on a Sunday morning after the annual Christmas tree decorating party that included a brand new half-gallon bottle of JD. This statement by Robinson made me see the glowing connections between Santa, Trump, and Climate Change.
Let’s begin with Santa. We adults, except for Jason, all know that Santa brings no gifts with Rudolph and his sleigh. As Robinson says, Trump won’t do the crazy stuff he yells about. But we love it when Trump reams the big guys. It’s like we all love it when IU almost beat Ohio State in football. We cheered like crazy knowing that our IU guys would not really win. We’d like to think that we might have won. That’s enough for Hoosiers. We love to tell our kids about Santa and Mrs. Santa and his workshop and shimmying down chimneys drinking milk and eating cookies. We love it because it makes us feel good. We love Trump because he say's things that most people would not say.
That leaves us with another article that was published Sunday December 13 about climate change. President Obama was quoted in this article as saying, “The climate pact offers the best chance to save the planet we have.” I am not sure about you but the minute I saw that statement the first thing that came to mind was Supergirl. Don’t tell me I am not liberated!
There is a photo in that newspaper article with several key players of the United Nations with thumbs up and hands clapping. The title of the article is, “Historic pact to slow global warming is celebrated in Paris.” Ban Ki-Moon, not related to the infamous Reverend Moon said, “The Paris Agreement on climate change is a monumental success for the planet and its people.”
You would have thought that the representatives of 190+ countries had found a way to stop comets from intersecting with the Earth – or they had eradicated Aids or Pancreatic Cancer. Or maybe they agreed that Iran should name Christmas as an official holiday.
No, these representatives apparently did something monumental to save the plant from climate change. Already you are labeling me a climate change denier. That way you can dispense with me as just another fruitcake from the right. Never mind that. I am saying that you folks who are not climate change deniers have been duped in the usual ways by the usual people. If you care about climate change you were sold down the river by the 190+ smiling government officials.
These people punted every possible real issue. Folks there ain’t no Santa Claus and this agreement has done absolutely nothing to save the planet earth.
Your mom says "go do your homework". But she does not tell you when you have to do your homework. Nor does she tell you how much homework you have to do. Your mom says you have to self-report how much time you spent on your homework. But there are no penalties if you don’t do your homework. Maybe she will frown at you. You agree to do your homework when your friends do their homework but there is no mechanism for your friends to do their homework until they are 45 years old. Even then there are no penalties if they don’t.
No, I am not going to do the boring work of repeating all of the silly things in the agreement that are making so many people pop their corks. But here are a few examples of the silliness as expressed with the words of the contract:
By “some point” somewhere around 2050 emissions need to be reduced to low levels. I checked my calendar and Grandson Nolan will be almost 38 years old then. He is 2.5 now.
Countries are “expected” but not required to meet any targets
Since the agreed targets are insufficient, countries are asked to review them in four years to “see if they can update them.”
There are no penalties for missing targets
Richer countries “should” continue to support the poorer countries. China is “encouraged to pitch in on a voluntary basis.”
I think representatives of those 190+ countries should be asked to sign a statement that says that Santa is real and that Trump has nice hair. We will then all feel a lot better.