Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Elections, Friends, and Families

I am bleary-eyed from reading so many articles about the aftermath of last week’s elections. My quick takeaway is that many sturdy trees have given up their lives. And yet, as is always true about the future, everything we say today is speculation. 

Uncertainty always exists but in this case today uncertainty is on steroids. I am supposed to give a speech about the economy on Thursday. What could I possibly say that wouldn’t be completely wrong in two weeks? Bartender, one JD on the rocks for my friend Lauren please. 

Then I got a text from a very good friend who I won’t name to protect his reputation. This dear friend noted to me how so many of his friends were having fights with their colleagues and families. It reminded me of when I was a young guy during the Vietnam War days. Families were splitting apart. The nation was coming apart. Then my dear friend said that he was so happy that despite our political differences we could continue to be civil and friendly to each other.

Of course, that was like a love arrow piercing my heart. How nice that someone who disagrees with much of what I write could extend a kindness at a time when many of his other friends and colleagues were no less than Vlad the Impaler driving stakes through the hearts of their friends!

So it made me think. How many political conversations held before election day went nowhere because one or both of the participants began with an insult. I am not accusing the left or the right because the same behavior was observed for both. The tenor of the situation was an accusation that the person at the other end of the conversation was either evil or stupid for saying even one good thing about a particular politician. How can two people have a conversation if at least one of those persons starts off by saying the other one is either stupid, immoral, or a bootlicker? How?

Is the hair standing up on the back of your neck? Of course – Trump is the devil. He hates blacks, Hispanics, foreigners, gays, and so on. Of course – Hillary is corrupt and a liar to boot. How could a human being from plant Earth say even one good thing about either of these people?

Good question Larry! But the truth is that if you think that way you have been duped by politicians. There is more than one side to these two politicians. I know they are lousy – both of them. But you people who bought into these extreme caricatures of Trump and Clinton got duped. Nothing is that simple.

Am I saying you have to do back flips for Trump? Not at all. You can fight him tooth and nail on every policy he advocates. What I am saying is that it is not worth demeaning your friends and your friendships over politics. Think about the proportionality. Every morning you wake up and you kiss the dog and pet your wife. You go to work and interact closely with colleagues. You have beers with your buddies. That's your real life. Then you turn on your favorite channel and watch the so-called news. Or you read the newspaper or check your favorite website. And then your blood pressure rises and you start cursing like a sailor.

It is true that a new President will impact the lives of many people – maybe even you. But it is also true that the impact on society is a lot less on you than what happens when you ruin your relationship with your mother or your best friend or your boss. And for what?

“For what?” is the real question. Recall Mr Obama passing Obamacare without a single Republican vote. Recall him making numerous regulatory changes without help from Congress. I was opposed to many of those things. But I didn’t jeopardize my friendships by calling friends and family idiots. After all, they have been in my family or been friends for a long time. We have disagreed many times. But I never dismissed them with the easy phrase like “you must be an idiot to support Obama.”

Now the shoe is on the other foot. Actually I am not sure what foot the shoe is on because Trump does not fit into any easy category. But surely as soon as he gets rolling you are going to hate some of the changes he pushes. Maybe you will be surprised and like some of it. Maybe you won't. When you don’t agree you can oppose them with vigor but at least have the decency to respect those who don’t agree with you. The world is a complicated place. Your friends and family have a right to their own opinions. Try to change their minds if you want. But don’t dismiss them simply because they disagree with you. You can always replace your old friends with new ones who will always agree with you. But that sounds pretty boring and sad to me. 


13 comments:

  1. Dear LSD. I recently told a liberal/Regressive friend who was concerned about the tone of our exchanges in his blog that my replies and my strident opinions regarding Regressive vs. Republican would not jeopardize our friendship. Here is my reply to him: “Our differing opinions/values will not jeopardize our friendship; friends can differ on many levels and issues and I have many liberal/Regressive friends. Friendship is to be cherished because it is something often easily given but not often returned. Many folks are incapable of developing lasting friendships. We are fortunate.”

    His writings about loss of middle class jobs and wages, taxes, restoration of manufacturing jobs, excesses of capitalism, big business, the financial/banking sector, etc. are biased/unobjective—which I’ve pointed out to him—and that the solution is for most everyone to have a job but that liberal/Regressive policy/dogma prevent that from happening.

    Now that the Rs have the trifecta I’ve wanted for eight years maybe increasing workforce participation—assuming Rs will achieve that—will quell the disgruntlement and allow friends to be friendlier.

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    1. Dearest Tuna, I hope you are right that friends will be friendlier. But my guess is that there is a strong psychological need for people to be right and to be kindly accepted by their usual circle of friends. People have aligned themselves in ideological silos and a Trump/Republican river of new policies will do nothing but force the groups even farther apart. Nevertheless my point today is that despite these hardened positions we should try to separate the political from the familial (if that is a word).

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  2. "Friendship is to be cherished..." says the guy who calls liberals "regressives".

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    1. Dear Anon. I am friends with liberals/Regressives despite their political misgivings. As a friend I get past the fallacy of their logic and the euphemistic use of "Progressive" to justify imposing laws/regs to control the lives of others, Orwellian approach to language and phrasing, and the misappropriation of property in the name of “fairness” to spread the wealth—all measures that are in effect regressive—not progressive.

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  3. Larry: sounds like that old pop song of our generation "Why can't we be friends?" fortunately we agree on most things....even if we did not we can always learn from each other and sometimes learning is not easy until it is applied. That makes it all worth while. Even the bum on the corner has something to offer.

    Anyway, you may remember those bombastic discussion we had about the Vietnam War. we were polar opposites until i told you i liked to be the devils advocate because trues lies somewhere in the grey world in between and on what pasture you grazed on to form your opinions.

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    1. I've been blessed to know so many people who are fair minded and willing to explore so-called truths. I love to argue and I sometimes get mad. But as long as the argument seeks to enlighten we all come away better. It is when people play just to win the argument regardless of the facts, then it makes me want to retreat to a lovely and cold JD.

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  4. Probably a good time to understand that when we see others we are only seeing a projection of ourselves defined by agreements. Once you wrap your head around it, this shit doesn't matter. Do your brain a favor and search "The case against reality"

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    1. I did that search and now my brain really hurts. :-) But I follow your drift and like the general idea. Thanks.

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  5. I have learned, first and foremost, to respect the enormity of the office of President of the United States; like the man or not, whether you voted for him or not, he is our President. Respect him and give him a chance for few "normal" people want to run for this office. The bashers, liars, and spin media need to learn this.

    I have also learned that politics and friendships do not mix, unless you know your friends share your views.Rest assured that Presidents set the tone for the nation- economially and politically, but a change in President is no reason to move to Canada.

    For the free-be lovers, there is no free lunch or free college tuition- wake up, someone pays for it.

    Work hard, enjoy life too for balance is the key to prosperity.

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  6. The wise Greek philosophers preached balance in all things. So did the Tao Te Ching. The untamed natural world seems to do that automatically without our help. Sometimes it take a while to happen. Be patient and know that it will without any meddling. To support excesses on either side and thereby prevent balance leads to a very hard fall.

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    1. Very true Hoot. Great advice. But some folks might point out that while things always work out in evolution, there are plenty of things that don't. Thus the path or transition take on importance too. Survival of the fittest says that the less fit do not endure. Policy should try to balance in the sense of allowing the the process to unfold but at the same time mitigating the negatives to those who don't prosper. It ain't easy to do that!

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  7. My dear Larry,
    What a touching outreach! Not to worry, we still love you here on Sanibel and do not be alarmed when you get here if Mcmillan's environmentally sensitive electric bicycle is camouflage painted, or my house in the Dunes is hidden behind sandbags. All of which has become neccessary since the election and the gunfight at #1476 last Sunday.. (my house is #1475). You and Betty of course will always be welcome, but mind the trip wires, it would be a pity to mistake you for an inebriated "Regressive"..... on the bright side, by the time you get here I'll have the property 'posted' with:
    'DUE TO THE COST OF AMMO THERE WILL BE NO WARNING SHOT, WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE'..which should cover any liability issues!
    Cheers
    Mike Macray
    (dictated by Harvey H.Homitz.)

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    1. I figured you and Doug were involved in the shooting but was afraid to ask.

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