Put on the Feed Bag

Mr. Sow-L (rhymes with Powell) is Chairman of the FEED (Feed Everyone Every Day). All the remarks below were taken from a recent barnyard speech he made in Washington D.C. 

Mr. Sow-L wanted to reaffirm that the FEED will not back away from its plan to require us to eat less each week. He overfed us for quite a while and he admitted it was time to remove the feed bag. While SOW-L indicated that we would definitely start us on a new and healthy diet, he was reluctant to begin it right now preferring to pin down the actual start date as sometime before Hell freezes over. 

Until then, he promised to keep force-feeding us another $120 billion ears of corn per month because he noted that many of us show acute signs of hunger, especially while watching reruns of the Little Rascals  on late night TV. 

He admitted that sticking with the $120 billion per month figure has been causing dramatic weight gain among the sow and pig population, but he believes that the weight gain has been the result of global warming and the Georgia Tech football team's record. It makes no sense to Sow-L to begin to reduce the number of corn ears in such an uncertain environment, especially since the Delta Delta Delta fraternity at Georgia Tech is going into Pledge Week.

His plan, therefore, is to hold numerous meetings over numerous months with his FEED Board over sumptuous salads and Twinkies to ascertain whether or not it is prudent to reduce the figure of $120 billion of ears to something more reasonable like $119 billion additional ears of corn. 

He admitted that adding so many ears of corn to the hog and pig population might cause even fatter results, but then reiterated that if the Tri-Delt thing kept up, it could spread to the GDI population. And then we would all be in real trouble. 

Nancy Pigosy and President Ride-M supported Mr. Sow-L's points and each promised to do what they could do separately to help the situation by using their debt powers to support infinite dollar outlays for feed, not only for pigs, hogs, and sows, but also for horses, cattle, sheep, and small dinosaurs. 

The FEED's next meeting is September 21-22 where they plan to assess the animal feed/weight issue again. Should the herds be growing in waist size, they will ponder the possibility of slowing growth to an extra $119 billion but they warned that such an extreme change could be unsettling to the gilt population.

One reporter pointed out that even a reduction to $119 billion was still a gigantic increase in corn and he wondered out loud when the FEED would begin to actually remove some of those gigantic piles of maize. Sadly he was stripped and whipped and relieved of his FEED badge.  Everyone knows that an actual reduction in corn piles could lead to mass starvation and possibly herpes.